They need a clear story about what is changing. They do not need the adult evidence file, the text screenshots, or the reasons that still keep you up.
If you can, tell them together with a short shared script with the same facts and reassurance. If a joint conversation is unsafe, do not force one. Give a simple, age-appropriate explanation yourself and seek support from a qualified professional.
Cover the essentials. You are separating. They did not cause it. Reassure them that they are loved and will be cared for, without making promises about another person’s behavior. What stays the same. What changes about where they sleep and when they see each parent.
Short sentences. Invite questions. Answer what they ask. "I do not know yet" is allowed. Revisiting the talk is expected. Kids absorb in layers.
No blame stories. No messengers. No asking them to keep secrets from the other parent about the news itself.
Watch behavior afterward. Children can show stress through behavior. Stay available and keep routines where possible. Talk to their clinician about concerning changes, especially lost skills, or if you need help supporting them.
As plans firm up, update them. Uncertainty often hurts more than a hard clear plan. Put the schedule where they can see it.
You cannot remove all pain from this news. You can refuse to add confusion.